I have a left shoe and sock soaked in human piss…and it’s not mine. Well actually one-sixth of it is mine. There’s also some poop on it, but it’s not human.
That’s just the way the weekend had to end.
Don’t get me wrong, it was an excellent weekend (aside from the loss). A weekend so good, it can only be told in pictures (the poop story comes at the end):
It starts with the loneliest croissant. It looks so sad and lonely…and plain.
Another perspective of the greatest tailgate photo ever taken… (oh, you don’t know about that photo?? Well, here you go!)
The long shadows cast early in the morning late in the autumn. Officially known as Tailgate Shadow:
The aerial footage of our tailgate as shot from that missing Aberdeen blimp:
It’s a rooftop conference and clearly a highly engaging story:
Truly nothing else needs to be said about this:
We are 107,000 strong…and about to lose. At this point Lauren was just yelling “khakis!” over and over and over:
I suppose it’s how you look at things…at least Lauren was happy with the outcome of the game:
I took a picture from this same spot of this same tree when it was full of orange and red autumn glory…now it’s full-on winter time.
Central PA was full of beautiful skies this weekend. If only I had something more than my iPhone:
Had to give it a try…not too bad. I think the 409 is for the calorie count:
This Uber had purple running lights. It was amazing. By the way, taking an Uber in State College is way different than in D.C.
Most of the time it was like getting picked up by your mom after a prom party. Seriously, I think there’s a racket of mothers who dominate the Uber driver pool in Central PA. This guy…was not a mom, he was the cool uncle jamming out to Macklemore.
The breakfast of restoration: coffee/OJ/Bloody.
By midday the snow squalls were blowing across Old Main lawn…that’s the kind of cold we were dealing with.
Just in case you don’t believe me:
Last RV standing, that’s how we roll…or not roll. Megan’s Marauders made a surprise football appearance on this very field as all the RV’s left town.
One last shot from the top of the tailgate world…the clouds were terrific:
And now the payoff for sticking with this photo essay, the story below the moneyshot:
So, when you rent an RV you also have to take care of all the little things…like dumping the sewage. My friend Mike was oddly excited for this chore. He just kept saying “Hey Clark, the shitter’s full!” over and over.
It took us a bit of research before we found a dump site at a truck stop. Then we had to figure out the engineering. It’s actually pretty simple:
- open the flap to the poop valve.
- pull out a hose covered in poop.
- attach the poop hose to a the poop valve on the RV and then to a poop valve in the ground.
- open poop valves.
- listen to a suckling/gurgling sound as poop moves from RV to ground.
- wait until empty, unfasten poop hose and put back in RV.
- wash hands like you were just sneezed on by someone with the bird flu.
We failed in step 6. While lifting the hose to get all the “waste” out of the RV and into the ground the hose detached from the poop valve. My left foot was conveniently under the valve in the perfect place for an R. Kelly-style shower. Thankfully, there was no poop thanks to some heads up rule making at the beginning of the trip. But my shoe was thoroughly soaked in human pee, and no replacement shoes were in sight.
After step 7 we were back off and running. We had a deadline, my buddy Gabe had a flight to catch. And it came down to a matter of moments…as always. Gabe and I have been in this situation more times than I can count…and I think I’ll dedicate another blog post to some of our greatest hits.
Nonetheless, we got back to the RV yard in Gaithersburg at 7:30, his flight was leaving at 8:58 from DCA. That translates into rushing to transfer everything from RV to car. Somewhere in the process I stepped in a huge, steaming-fresh pile of dog poop.
So, there you have it. My left shoe is covered in human pee and the sole is coated with dog poop. Perfect.
FWIW, Gabe made the flight. We pulled into Terminal B at 8:23. Standard operating procedure.